as part of this process to increase my brain activity, i decided to do something different on weekly basis to solve my first world problem.

first world problem: i have an old x61 thinkpad which i have used for the last 6 years running window 7 and basic Microsoft office. i mainly use the notebook to pay bills and download movies (shhhhhh). problem arises when i connect gopro camera to it. the graphic processor is so slow that i could give birth waiting for the notebook to access and edit the video.

one solution is to capture the movie on my samsung, copy the file onto my notebook (work) and upload into you tube. the result is shown below:

I am still new with m3 on track. in fact, this is the first time i drove m3 on track. so excuse me for the non competitive timing. i will get better

my brain is getting duller by the day. perhaps its the daily routine i had causing my brain to not run deeper. perhaps its the eye issue that i am having tricking the brain to be cloudy as well. whatever it is, i need to start writing and blogging again to keep my brain active. or maybe i need glasses now. monovision is not fun sometimes. lack of sleep also make it worst

mistakes or wrong decision are abound in my life. most of the mistakes i took it as life lessons. sometimes i remember the lessons and sometimes i forget. this is a reminder to self to be vigilant in making decisions and not to rush into things.

this afternoon my brain turned to mush. did not sleep well last night. need to figure out how to remove unnecessary  stress in mylife. just by writing this blog, i am inviting stress. people will be questioning why i wrote what i wrote. 

here is the deal.  i am a private person by nature. i may appear to be bousterious and outgoing, but deep inside i like to be alone. that means i enjoy being alone. i enjoy doing nothing. i enjoy my personal time. i enjoy to not plan.  what is hard for people to understand in that i dont need many people around me and i am happy for it. i only go with people who don’t judge me and make comments about me. 

pic courtesy of Google

as i was sitting down at starbucks looking out, it came to me that i am aging. this must be realization of many before me. millions of people are aging and millions of people are realizing that they have few years left (maybe few decades for me).

i saw young kids running around and i feel they are going to have a wonderful life experiences if they allow it.

i saw teenagers going about their thought of the day and doing selfie/wefie with friends to capture this moment. wish i had kept some old photographs of me – analog ones that needs to be developed at photo shops

i saw young parents entering their new phase in life. carrying milk bottles, diapers spare clothes in case baby decided to bring out everything they just had. their life just started. i am sure when they had their wedding ceremony a year back, little that they know that honeymoon phase will turn to this. haha.

here i am, in a different phase of my own and a bit wiser. it gets me thinking, whats next? i need to figure that one out soon.

I am aware of my thoughts here will be translated by readers into something its not. Nobody can read minds especially a simple yet weird mind like mine. But, people will make assumptions anyway and inteprete it. Should I care? I do but for my sanity, I will go ahead jotting my thoughts.

  

Aidilfitri just arrived. I am back up north for few days. Time seems to slow down considerably here. There are no distractions other than my ipad and a couple of books and the TV blaring constantly (nothing else to do here!). I have been reading but less thinking as it ‘noisy’ here. Thank god for my noise cancelling headphone!

At the back of my mind, I am thinking what should I do next. I am 46, not young, and have been doing what I do best for the last few years. Sadly, I have not been able to deliver as good as I wish. No excuses. I failed to deliver. Reflecting back on what contibutes to the ‘failure’, i can’t say only one thing. There are few things. I have been fairly distracted. My mono eyesight is not helping. The brain seems to not connect well these days. The clarity of thoughts were missing. Where did it go?

I need to decide my next steps. There is an opportunity. The question is, should I go ahead and take it. I know I may not be as good as I was before due to distractions etc etc (look at last para). Maybe I need new things. I need Maybe new subject to deal with. Maybe I need to refresh myself.

proven that undisturbed sleep will give better thought clarity. should not have a care in the world and focus on sleeping only.

Sleep is my most precious asset today. It allows me to perform deep thought thinking given I have enough (sleep). Lately, my sleep has been interrupted by thoughts that went thru the night. The body at rest. The mind is not. The impact of not having enough sleep is that I operate via System 1 – Instinct base which can be wrong as it is susceptible to various bias.

My whole day today is shot. It is a version of erectile dysfunction for the brain. I just cant get it up. Even writing this piece of blog, i felt like I am in a dream state. To be honest, I can function but I cannot give the best at work. This frustrates me. I will feel like this the whole day. That’s the worst part. Maybe I should go home now.

as you are reading this, you are aging. i will be reaching 46 this year and in 4 years, i will be 50. time moves fast. i have had many experiences in my 46 years of my life. if you follow my blog, my perspective towards life moves with time. imagine that…46 years old

i have been very lucky. i can say i have lived. seen things. do things that many may not have experienced. i have been lucky. i hope i made some impact towards others in this lifetime.